Banter...Not Bantha

I work in Customer Service. I would consider it more order fulfillment than CS but whatever. My job becomes mundane, repetitive and boring. Every once in a while I think of answering calls with some pizazz. Add some flavor to a robot, so-to-speak.

Some ideas I thought of:
DJ-look out Johnathan Little or Sean 'the Man of Steel' *que deep radio voice* here's Sean the CustServ Rep! How can I help YOU?

Porky Pig-Stuttering would be frustrating, though I have had customers place orders that do have this speech inpediment. Besides, its a bit distasteful for me, I dont think this would work.

Used Car Salesman- Similar to the DJ, this would be more fast talking and agreeable than other ideas.

Hillbilly-Hey, they dont need to know they're calling the great midwest. I'll just bring on the accent from the hills. "Thank ya fer callin. How can I help yall?"

Steven Wright-The comedian with the most monotone voice I have heard. Enough to put the customer into a lull and bore them to death.

Bobcat Goldwait-A bit neurotic but its better than Sam Kinnison.

Jack-I would use his role in 'A Few Good Men'. "I can place your order, but you have to ask me nicely."

Sexy-try to seduce the person on the phone by just using the tone of voice and some mildly-placed innuendos. I would do this with a guy too to make it even more interesting.

Dumb Blonde College/HS Student-"Um, well, ok. Like, do you want to place an order or something?"

We'll see...

People typically work to the limits that they can get away with. Huh? I truly believe this. A person can endure hours of stress and can go above and beyond the call of duty, if they want to, if they need to, but many will merely do what they can with minimal effort. It’s the way things are in the work place. If you are an above average employee you will figure this out and do just a bit more to set yourself above the rest of the flock. I think I have mastered this. Now that this is publicly displayed my boss will be really dumping the stuff on me.  Ah, what the hell, bring it!

Anyways, I’m not sure where this comes from. May be it’s the lack of work ethic when you’re growing up. Maybe they never had to wash dishes, mow lawns, shovel sidewalks, or detassel corn. Wherever you work you always find one. They’re commonly referred to as The Slacker.

It is funny how some supervisors and managers handle the Slacker. They really miss the boat sometimes and actually develop ways to be detrimental to the department and encourage future slacking. I will touch on this now.

There are many ambitious people in my department. They want more responsibility, duties, so that they can move up, get raises, be appreciated, have some goals, and actually feel like contributing to the corporate wheel.

So one day, as I sit in my cube, I notice that my supervisor is passing along a task she normally does on a daily basis to one of the crew. She picks the Slacker. First assumption from everyone is that the Slacker complained about not getting enough opportunity to strive, so the supe gave in to their demands and assigns them this task. Bitterness can be heard from hidden corners of the office. Now if you ask the supe what the deal is they will tell you that they are trying to simply overwhelm the Slacker with work so that they are unable to continue their role as Slacker. Many supes don’t realize when they take this avenue they are actually creating a monster, and it will ultimately backfire. How? You can take the Slacker out of the work place, but you can’t take the Slack out of the Slacker. They will continue to slack but now their new priority is the ‘important’ assigned task at hand. The rest of their daily duties will slip, and they will ask for help from others. See where this is going? They don’t necessarily need the help and even if they do, very little credibility is given to their call.

So managers, word to the not so wise, tackle the problem head on. Do not try to come up with some goofy plan of attack. Not confrontational, my supe’s excuse, then retire your position and be a normal worker bee. Dump the load on the Slacker that is supposed to be done. Hold them back from excelling until they do what is required! Hell, you can even demote them, an action that is seldom taken but should be more often. If they are really disruptive, escort them to the door and thank them for their services. They will no longer be needed.